Trust

My husband and I started charting during our engagement; that's where this post begins.

***

I tell clients all the time, "When you can talk about mucus, you can talk about anything."

But, it's so much more than talking about mucus and sharing a personal part of your womanhood with someone else.

It is, more deeply, about trust.

For me, I had to trust he wasn't going to leave me for another woman because this charting business was too difficult (or would be when we got married). I had to trust that he loved me, including my fertility. In a world with a contraceptive mentality and agenda, I had to trust he was on the same page and equally passionate about this natural method of family planning. I had to trust he would continue to think I was beautiful even after trying to explain to him what kind of discharge I saw that day. Sometimes, folks, this was not a pretty convo...

but I digress...

I remember the fear that struck me when I would see more than five white stickers with babies on them (these days are considered fertile in the Creighton world) because that meant that when we got married, that would be five days we would have to abstain.  Was he really going to be okay with that?  Was I?  Did it really matter? 

I also remember the worry that flooded me when I had three months of straight green stamps (these days are considered infertile in the Creighton world).  Gosh, would we be able to get pregnant if I don't have any days of fertility?  Would he stick around if I couldn't give him biological children?

What about all the worry I had about using a natural system.... would we be able to trust God enough to remain committed to our decision?  Would we be able to willingly give our physical relationship, and our fertility as a couple to God, charts, and stickers?  Would one of us 'give up' when the system didn't go the way we planned?  Valid concerns, right?

But you know what's so wonderful about all of these concerns and fears?  My husband's ability to   recognize them and put them to rest through his total acceptance of my fertility.  No matter how crazy my charts looked at times, he got it, folks.  He understood the beauty of my fertility in a very raw and holy way. I didn't have to worry about too many white stamps with babies on them or extended periods of green stamps because that was a part of who I was, and he embraced it.  He accepted me -- holistically, and through it, I learned to trust him, and together we learned to trust God's plan for our marriage.  His plan for us and the use of a natural system.

Surprisingly, the more he learned about how God designed me and understood my fertility, the more he awakened my femininity. Interestingly, I felt more feminine because my fertility was being respected and upheld by another.  I was blessed to have my husband be the person to tell me that my fertility wasn't a mistake in God's design and....

...if nothing else, if no other purpose for this blog, I hope and pray to be that person in a woman's life to say, "I respect your fertility." It is THAT important.